Then we ran a few errands.

Emmett John screamed he had to pee while we were flying down the highway. So now we are in the boonies somewhere while Rob takes Mr. Emmett John into a Giant Eagle to pee and grab snacks and a coke (for my migraine – I really need to post about my neurologist appointment Monday).

And this is the slow day this week!

Tomorrow we have to be at the Cleveland Clinic Dysautonomia Clinic at 8am!

Friday Gavin has his IVIG infusion.

It makes me exhausted and my migraine worse just thinking about it all!

Yup, she sent me a sucker even though I was alone. (lol)

 It’s time for Instagram Sundays again! 

Here are my submissions for this week, in no particular order…

Elliott Richard and his Lego Creation

Gavin and his Lego Ship

Daddy and Mr. Emmett John having some silly cuddle/tickle time.

The Boys during “play therapy/playtime” at Pattie’s office

Me in the midst of a nasty fibro flare

Black and white of Bella Jane sitting pretty in the yard.


Mr. Emmett John and his beloved service puppy, Bella Jane, taking a nap together.

Dear Mama of Mine, Mom G, Grammy Lou Who, Grandma Gene, Grandma B & Granny,

♥♥♥♥♥Mama of Mine♥♥♥♥♥

I love you! Thank you for everything that you do for me, for my family, for my Boys. Thank you for my wonderful new tennis shoes (my back thanks you too). Thank you for your seemingly endless love, support, faith and help. It’s only as an adult that I’m able to fully appreciate everything you did for me growing up too. It never occurred to me how much you sacrificed and paid (in all manners) so that I could be in gymnastics. Thank you for raising me to be an adult I’m proud to be. Thank you for being my Mama, even when I didn’t make that an easy thing to accomplish.

I love you!

Happy Mother’s Day!

♥♥♥♥♥Mom G♥♥♥♥♥

Thank you for accepting me into your family. Into your heart. Thank you for helping us with life, the Boys. Thank you for the times you’ve taken me to the doctor or the hospital. Thank you for being you and loving me as if I were your own. Your gentle spirit and love of all things bright orange are just some of my favorite qualities you have. Thank you for all the times you’ve watched the Boys and taken care of them in general. We are lucky to have you

I love you!

Happy Mother’s Day!

♥♥♥♥♥Grammy Lou Who♥♥♥♥♥

To my Grammy Lou Who, I have no idea why I call you that here but I do and for me at least, it seems to fit.

Thank you for all the times you were my shelter from the storms of live growing-up. Your house was one of my safe-havens when the world became to rough for me and I miss those days spent with you. I want to visit you more and as soon as my little “germies” are healthy, I’ll be heading over so as not to get you sick. Thank you for all your love and support – now and growing up. It means the world to me and I’ll always cherish the memories of my childhood.

I love, Grammy Lou Who!

Happy Mother’s Day!

♥♥♥♥♥Grandma Gene♥♥♥♥♥

I love you Grandma. Thank you for every time you ask for tips on gifts for the Boys so that we can entertain and educate them at the same time. Thank you for welcoming and accepting me as a member of your family. Thank you for loving me and supporting me through everything we have going when you already have your own stuff going on. There’s so much about you that reminds me of my Granny…and for that I thank you, too.

I love you!

Happy Mother’s Day!

♥♥♥♥♥Grandma B♥♥♥♥♥

I miss you all the time. I’m sorry that my Boys won’t have the opportunity to grow-up knowing you. Knowing your fun and kind spirit. I cherish the advice you gave me when Rob and I became engaged:

Don’t go to bed angry. (something I often fail at.)

 

 

Never skimp on lingerie or food. (Something I work very hard at.)

I love you and hope you are having a Happy Mother’s Day in heaven. ♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥Granny♥♥♥♥♥

My Granny. I miss you, so much it hurts. Especially this time of year – the time of year when I lost you and of Mother’s Day, one of your favorite holidays. I’m sorry I didn’t go to that last “Mother Daughter Banquet” with you. It was something so small that meant so much to you. Something I should have given you but I didn’t. I pray that you’re happy where ever you are but I’m not gonna lie, I’d rather have you here with me. Thank you for all those years you loved and supported me. The gymnastics meets you never missed. The practices you took me. Our “outtings” where you had coffee and I had my “coffee”, which was really just hot chocolate. I miss those trips. Thank you for helping Mom and Dad to raise me. Thank you for giving me the chance to be raised on a farm. I think every child should have the opportunity to be raised on a farm and I thank you for giving that opportunity to me. I will cherish those memories, among many, many others for the rest of my life.

I love you!

I miss you!

I hope you are doing all the things you love and having a Happy Mother’s Day in heaven.♥♥♥♥♥

Much Love~

Elizabeth Ann

♥♥♥♥♥

This week I was home from the hospital, for the entire week, finally, after having spent 5 of the 7 days of the week before at Akron Children’s Hospital with my oldest son, Gavin.

Monday through Wednesday we were there for his 48 hour VEEG. (I don’t know how those “Dr. Phil Families” handle being on camera 24/7 in nearly every room of their home! I was starting to feel paranoid by the end of the 48 hours. lol)

Then he was admitted for observation on Thursday and released late Friday because his Dysautonomia was thrown completely out of whack by laying in bed Monday through Wednesday. While both stays were obviously medically necessary for Gavin – especially Thursday and Friday since his blood pressure was dangerously low and he was struggling to hold food down – I was going stir-crazy. I had a migraine. My Fibromyalgia was getting out-of-control. And my RLS had become restless legs and arms by the end of the week.

I was so ready to come home!

Gavin was having the time of his life being waited on hand and foot by the nursing staff. (The staff at Akron Children’s Hospital is absolutely amazing!) So I was truly the only one ready to leave by the end of the week. 

Problem is that all of the insanity and puppy puddles and bills everyday “Mom” stuff was still here waiting for me when I got home.

Maybe I was just slightly better off at the hospital? 

From that moment on
One week
Seven very long days
Lost within my own mind.

I didn’t eat
I didn’t sleep
Only a coma-like state
Between asleep and awake.

Every breath I took
Agonizing
Every thought or memory
Brutal.

Then came a day
I don’t remember when
Seven days
Maybe more

A choice to be made
Give up,
Shut down,
Give in to my shattered heart and broken soul.

Or get up
Move on,
Learn to live, one day at a time
Complete with shattered heart and broken soul.

Today is the anniversary
Of that day.

My life
Shifted.
The rug
Pulled out from under me
The anniversary of loss of my “mother”.

It’s taken more super glue
And tuct tape
To piece together
My shattered heart.

My broken soul
Cannot be fixed
I live with it,
Day by day
Battered and bruised.

I can’t believe
It’s been a decade
Since you left
Far too soon.

Clearly,
Before I was ready
To say goodbye.

F 5.11.2012
 10:13pm

What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Yet, at the same time, I was terrified. What if it didn’t apply to me? After all I was an unwed 19 year-old mother-to-be, what if they knew and the information didn’t apply to me? Now, clearly those were silly fears because a book didn’t know me from any other mother-to-be. And obviously, the information applied to me. After all, I was pregnant, which was their intended audience.

In the end, What to Expect When You’re Expecting saved me more times than I count throughout three pregnancies and one, unfortunate, miscarriage. In fact, I still have my tattered and dog-eared copy even though I won’t be having any more babies. It’s become like a dear friend and you don’t just throw friends away when you out-grow them. So she remains. Packed away with all of my other pregnancy memorabilia.

Well, guess what???

What to Expect When You’re Expecting is now a major motion picture in theaters everywhere Friday, May 18th!

If you want all the stats (it’s got some major actors and actresses in it) be sure to check out the link directly above. It looks really good and I can’t wait to go see it!

(Disclosure: This is a sponsored link, however, all thoughts, feelings, memories, stories are my own.)

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If you have missed any of the other three parts and you don’t yet have a clear picture of our living circumstances or you’ve questioned our need to get the Hell out of Dodge before now, please be sure to read the previous three parts as well.

Part One: The Shooting

Part Two: A Boy on FOOT vs a CAR

Part Three: Bullying taken to a whole new level

Now, on to Part Four, which – for me – is also the humiliating part.

I went outside – to let Bella Jane out to go potty, take a short break from the insanity and try to talk on the phone to one of my nearest and dearest friends/sisters, Nikky. I got out there and sat on the steps that lead to the yard, which I never do.

As we were talking and the dogs were playing and doing their thing this couple came around the corner walking towards my house on the opposite side of the street.

So they’re walking and talking about something I couldn’t hear. Then he said something that upset and she punched him in the arm.

Here’s the thing: should she have punched him? No. But she was a really heavy-set girl and from where I sat (I could see them perfectly but they couldn’t see me because the way I was sitting had me positioned behind the pilar on our porch.) she had barely touched him. He was the complete 180° from her. He was solid muscle and completely ripped from head-to-toe. So I doubt she hurt him. If he felt it at all. From where I sat it appeared to be a love tap except for the fact that she was obviously upset with him.

So she “love tapped” him and at first he didn’t appear upset or phased at all by it. What he did next terrified me and made me very grateful I was hidden.

He reached down into my neighbor’s corner yard, (where she keeps rocks on the hill to keep the yard and tree from eroding in the rain) picked up one of the larger rocks and swung around catching the woman off-guard and bashing her upside the head! All in one fluid motion!

The woman screamed, staggered backwards a few steps and then turned to ran a few feet away before she STOPPED! He calmly put the rock back, looked around (I ducked down like a coward!) and then continued to walk down the street. She then took off after him apologizing and begging him to forgive her.

I should have said something. But I didn’t.
I should have called the police. But I didn’t.

I chickened out.

All these years I’ve dreamed about how things might have been different if someone had spoken up about what they witnessed of my abuse from Nick and his parents. Then when I had my chance…

I chickened out…
I failed miserably…
I screwed it up…

Logically, I know why I chickened out. To confront the guy would have likely been a death sentence for me. If not a death sentence for my family. Which would have been grossly irresponsible on my part.

It’s just that as a victim/survivor of domestic violence, I feel like I should have done more. Like more is expected of me since I survived.

Anyhow, regardless of my lack of a spine, this is my final piece of my “Our Battlefield” series. Now we just need to win the Ohio Lottery or have a mysterious benefactor show up willing to finance or relocation. *sigh*

More continues to happen as the days go by. Perhaps I’ll continue the series…after I finish the other ones I’ve started and need to complete, first. (lol)

Ratings

 Review

Deadly Addiction, written by Kristine Cayne, is an outstanding novel earning a solid 5 out of 5 stars. Before reading Cayne’s Deadly Vices series, I had never read an actual romantic thriller/mystery. I had read plenty of romances with a slight plot twist

First off, I need to say that the characters are brilliant. Cayne gives the opportunity to get to know the characters through to keep things interesting and keep the novel from revolving around love, sex, and “soul mates”. Never have I read romance novels written with the talent and skill that Cayne possesses.

Each character is unique and has many different layers, creating believable individuals who stir the most basic of human emotions. Rémi Whitedeer and Alyssa Morgan were by far my favorite characters. I loved them individually – their struggles and inner-demons, as well as their triumphs and compassion. I also love the way the two played off each other.many different sets of eyes, as the story is told through many different viewpoints. Typically, this isn’t something I am a fan of; however, she pulls it off without creating confusion.

The way that Cayne told each character’s back-story a little bit at a time, rather than all at once in the beginning of the novel or upon introduction was a refreshing change. It left a slight air of mystery about the characters and helped them to feel more life-like.

The final aspect of Deadly Addiction that I want to mention is, honestly, just how addicting this novel is! Much like it’s predecessor (which I was thrilled to find Addiction wasn’t a literal sequel to Obsession), Addiction is a fast paced, romance and action packed novel; however, not to the point of being over-whelming. It’s attention grabbing and once it has your attention it doesn’t let go until the final pages. While the action and suspense is definitely there and there are your standard lulls in the adrenaline and the romance also helps to break up the thrill seeking, adrenaline-rushing. These lulls help the novel to find that perfect medium between “nail-biting suspense/mystery” and “sappy sex-driven romance” novel. What you find in the end, is sheer perfection and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to make it until the next novel comes out.

 I received a free copy of Deadly Addiction, written by Kristine Cayne, to read and review. I am in no way committed to writing a positive review; all reviews are my own thoughts and opinions. I am disclosing this information in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

All About Kristine Cayne

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Here’s the run down of Gavin’s stay:

• 44 – hours we’ve been here so far
• 46 – hours total we’ll have been here at discharge
• 0 – seizures Gavin has had while here (Of course!)
• 4 – Coca-Cola’s I’ve drank to make this migraine bearable
• 1 – Pepsi’s I’ve suffered through after I emptied the machine of Coke
• 2 – days with a migraine
• 6 – movies watched
• 2 – movies I could stand to watch (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest with Johnny Depp ~ Yum! & Star Wars III)
• 1 – Storage Wars marathon watched
• 4 – adults it takes to hook a DVD player up to a television (3 to try and 1 to do)

Plus:

• More hours of 3DS played than I care to think about.
• More hours of annoying, light flashing, color-changing, high-pitched cartoons watched in an attempt to trigger seizures that never came.
• A knot to sit on every trigger point in my upper body and shoulders.

I’m so ready to go home!

Posted from WordPress for Android in a land where AutoCorrect hates me, so please forgive my typos.

The migraine was bad enough. It still is, actually. Did you really need to throw a Fibro Flare and a nasty case of restless legs into the mix?!

Honestly???

Couldn’t you have at least taken pity on me…on yourself and waited until tomorrow before all Hell broke lose?

No? Well, I had to ask. *sigh*

Posted from WordPress for Android in a land where AutoCorrect hates me, so please forgive my typos.

I hate you on regular, average days. I hate that Uncle Sam says I can work through you (I can’t). I hate how much you hurt (since pain isn’t my “thing”). I hate how sick you make me. I hate how much of my own life I miss because of you. Never mind how much of the Boys’ lives I miss.

But this is just too much right now!

I’m at the hospital with Gavin for his 48 hour VEEG. I can’t take my migraine medications. That doesn’t mean you were invited. It especially doesn’t mean you have open season on my head or my stomach. Rejecting everything I eat as if I’m newly pregnant again (a physical impossibility before anyone dreams of asking) is incredibly uncool.

I hereby declare Shenanigans! on you migraines.

To quote Gavin, “Not cool man, not cool.”

Posted from WordPress for Android in a land where AutoCorrect hates me, so please forgive my typos.

I found some ‘old friends’ were on duty when I got up here and found the nurses and EEG Tech from Elliott Richard’s EEG earlier this month. It was great because when Natalie, the amazing EEG tech who helped Elliott Richard through getting the “buttons” put on, saw me she came over and gave me a hug!

I ♥love♥ Natalie!

And I ♥love♥ the staff of this hospital!

Everyone is so sincere and caring. They actually invest emotionally in their patients so even when they have dozens of patients between when they initially met you and the second meeting, they still remember you.

They may seem silly but, for me, it really helps when we are going through something that is so stressful and so scary…knowing that the staff is emotionally invested in our situation and the care of our Boys…it helps. More than words can express.

Posted from WordPress for Android in a land where AutoCorrect hates me, so please forgive my typos.

I’m not worried about in terms of: how is Gavin going to handle this?  Will it be a total nightmare getting the leads on his head? Am I going to have to watch him like a hawk and fight him over leaving the leads alone, once they’re on? I’m actually not worried about any of that with Gavin because he has such a strong drive to please others that he’s going to want to do anything in his power to please me, the nurses and Dr. Brown.

I’m worried about the immediate…packing. I have to borrow a small suitcase from Grandma G and it happens to still be at Grandma G’s house, which makes it rather difficult to pack. Then I’ve got to try and figure out what will go in a suitcase I’ve never seen before. For a gal with control and OCD issues, this isn’t cool!

I need to get Gavin packed too. ARGH! I quit…

Posted from WordPress for Android in a land where AutoCorrect hates me, so please forgive my typos.

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UPrinting.com Free Label Giveaway - Just a few ideas

Jill M. G. is our randomly selected WINNER!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first! (Although really, where else would you expect to find the results of MY give-away!? lol) The UPrinting.com Give-Away has finally come to an end.

Jill M.G. (full name withheld to protect the name of the innocent) is the proud winner!

.As soon as you respond and get the ball rolling with UPrinting.com, your imagination is the limit as to what you can have printed on your stickers.

And I’d love it if you would tell us a little bit about your experience!

Now this wouldn’t be a big deal if he would use a tissue. We’ve taught him when to use a tissue. We’ve taught him how to use a tissue. We have tissues and toilet paper available at all times. Yet, he still uses his shirts as tissues. He can’t wear a clean shirt for more than a few minutes before he secretly wipes his nose and snot all over the front of it. We never actually see him do it. We only see the mess on his shirt after the fact.

I’m completely at a loss here.

How do I get him to stop using his shirts as tissues?!

Posted from WordPress for Android in a land where AutoCorrect hates me, so please forgive my typos.

My sometimes precious Bella Jane nursing in her sleep

Emmett John making funny faces at Gavin.

Gavin showing off his Lego knight at Pattie’s office

Emmett John running toward Dr. Bower’s office (our Infectious Disease doctor) (I’m not sure why but I just ♥ love ♥ this photo!)

All three of my Boys – (l to r) Emmett John, Elliott Richard and Gavin – getting along for once and playing nicely at Pattie’s office

Location! Location! Location!

Every time we leave Maggie’s kennel is right where you see it and Bella Jane’s kennel is in the exact same position on the left hand side. Then when we return home we either find her kennel the way you see it here or the kennels are butted up against each other – door to door. Bella jumps and bounces – like a jack rabbit – so much that she moves her kennel that far!

He’s stylin‘!

Emmett John had mixed my shave gel (the stuff that starts out as a gel and then becomes shaving cream when you rub your hands together), Rob’s “bodywash for men” and the Boys’ watermelon scented shampoo/conditioner/bodywash together to form ★this!★

Daddy and Emmett John laughing and being silly while we waited to see Dr. Bower.

The Boys wishing Daddy good luck for his speech to a class of teachers about raising three boys with Autism.

This is my beloved Ruby, my netbook. (Yes, I named her. And yes, she’s a “she”.) I thought she had died the other night and so I took a photo to share my devastation with my Instagram friends. Then she fixed herself. Died again. And fixed herself for good. (I guess it was a screen snafu.) I’m sharing the photo because I’m told it was “a beautiful photo” so I figured, eh, why not.

And last but certainly not least, is Mr. Emmett John showing off a magnetic marble necklace he made. (Just so y’all are aware: Yes, I know magnets are dangerous to play with. No, he doesn’t put them in his mouth. Yes, we watch him like a hawk when he plays with them – usually we are playing with him. )

Well, those are my Instagram Sunday submissions for Week #2.

It’s been real.

It’s been fun!

Don’t forget to look me up on Instagram – I ♥love♥ making new friends!

Instagram ID: fibromamaby3

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I was so close before life won.

Now I’ve completed the A-V Challenge.

Oh, well there’s always next year.

Wish me luck at my appointment with him this afternoon.

Who usually makes that diagnosis? And how is it made?

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Today is my Mama’s birthday. I won’t tell her age – A) because that would be rude and B) because I don’t remember how old she is without doing the math. I don’t mean that in a “I don’t care enough to remember her age” kind of way. For me, it’s a compliment. Honestly. I’m still sort of stuck in that childhood phase of “My Parents are Timeless”, “My Parents will Live Forever”, “Nothing Truly Bad will Ever Happen to My Parents”.

Logically, I know those statements are false. Well, the second two are false. The first one, I believe is true. Yes, my parents get a year older every year, just like everyone else. But to me, when I look at them, I don’t see it. I see my Mama and my Daddy (Yes, I still call him my “Daddy” most of the time – I was a “Daddy’s Girl” for a long time and old habits die hard. Or in this case, I just don’t care to kill it.) and I don’t see two people who are aging with the rest of us. I see love, acceptance, support, understanding, laughter. I just see my parents. 

We’ve had our differences. We lost valuable time together over silly, stupid stuff. But, in the end, I found my way home. And they did what parents do: they hugged me, they cried, they apologized, I apologized and they forgave me. So yeah, I’ve had some pretty rough spots with my Mama and Daddy, but I’ve never stopped loving them. And I’ve gotten way off track here but I’ve wanted to say those things for a long time. It would just seem that today is the day I finally did.

Back to the original, important topic at hand: Mama’s birthday!

♥Mama,♥

~*~ Thank you for raising me. For giving me strong morals and values to help me work my way through life and now to pass on to my sons.

~*~ Thank you for giving up most of nearly every weekend of your life so that Rob and I can get a little bit of a break and

retain a tiny bit of sanity.

~*~ Thank you for every time you’ve helped me, bailed me out (not from jail! lol), taken me some place, listened to me whine or cry on the phone.

~*~ Thank you for teaching me how to ‘fall’ in life so that I might know how to get back up, dust myself off and try again.

~*~ Thanks again for the 10 years of gymnastics – hauling me to practices (at least 3 times a week), then to meets (all over NE Ohio), buying me the gear I needed to train, supporting me, cheering for me (I can’t imagine the meets were as much fun for you as they were for me), and in the end, taking me to the doctor and then comforting me when I screwed up my knee and I had to quit the only sport I was ever any good at. I know now those 10 years couldn’t have been cheap – financially or emotionally. So, thanks again.

~*~ Thanks for accepting me with open arms after that big mess a few years ago. I don’t even remember if anyone was at fault but I know that I hurt you and you didn’t have to accept me the way you did, so thank you.

~*~ Finally, I want to thank you for being you! I love you just the way you are and I wouldn’t have you any other way. Thank you for loving me and being my Mama. And thank you for loving my Boys and giving my hubby a break/chance. (lol)  

And now, because I still have this thing for the Disney show, Phineas and Ferb, I want to play a little song for you. It always makes me think of you. And I actually have it set as your personal ringtone on my cell phone. 

Much Love~

♥ Elizabeth Ann ♥

Click here to view the embedded video.

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Click here to view the embedded video.

(I figured I should post this video for video games as well as legos since it’s about both and the Boys are fixated on both.)

Video Games

My Boys have two main fixations: Legos and Video Games.

They are so brilliant with both of them that it’s ridiculous.

I grew up on video games. I knew the original Mario when I was continually told the Princess was “in the next castle”. I knew Zelda when he first began his never ending quest for this, that and the other thing. Heck, I started before that with my Commodore 64 and Zork, a game based entirely on words and your ability to use them in order to move your character through the world. (I loved that game and wish I could play it now.)

As a gal who grew up on video games, I’m fairly proficient at them. My Boys blow me out of the water!

I’ve taken a love
A joy
A passion
And ruined it.

Chewed it up
Until it was grey
And lifeless
The color wrung out.

Created a monster
Of stress
And demands
That I am unable to meet.

written Tuesday, April 24, 2012 @ 8:42pm

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Happy 37th Wedding Anniversary Mom and Daddy! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I think it is so cool that my parents have been together for 37 years. Well, they’ve really been together for longer than that because they were together for a few years before they got married.

You know growing up my parents weren’t big on public displays of affection but I never questioned their love for each other. Not just because as a child you accept everything as it is, without question, but because I knew it to be true.

I knew they were in love with each other.

I knew because my Mom always remembered to buy my Daddy Coca-Cola at the grocery store.

I knew because my Daddy always got up early to shovel the driveway for my Mom so she could leave for work without any problems, even when he didn’t have to get up for work.

I knew because my Mom would try and make sure that dinner was ready around the time Daddy got home from work.

I knew because when I was a little girl my Mom was in the hospital. When she came home my Daddy made a big banner on our dot-matrix printer for me to color and he hung it across the entry way going from our living room to the kitchen so Mom would see it when she got home.

I knew they loved each other then.

I know they love each other now.

I hope that Rob and I still love each other after 37 years.

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